I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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