I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
