I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
