I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
