there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
