I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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