UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
