shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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