I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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