Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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