dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
