Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
