I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
