I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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