The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize