If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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