Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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