soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
