She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize