I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
