I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
a search helicopter?!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
