he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
