I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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