I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
