Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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