I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
