Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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