After last night, I could never be a politician.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
