Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she smelled like a LAN party
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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