And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
