The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
