The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
