There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
