Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
