Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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