You tried to poop in the sink last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
