Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
