i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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