her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
