mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
