So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
