is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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