Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
