btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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