I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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