TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
