no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we made out on top of his cat.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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