just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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