my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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