3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
