Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
