Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
