dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize