Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
