i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
