I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Randomize