I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize