So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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