i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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