Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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