Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
