checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
