at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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