Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
