Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
