then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
