I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
