I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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