Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
