from now on my penis is your penis
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
And then he peed in my hair
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