I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize