HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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